There's a better...home awaiting...in the sky Lord in the sky..."
You think about your family---some people don't care one generation to the next about where they came from...they only care about where they are going. That's okay--I can understand that, I guess. I have a little harder time "getting it", I guess, because I don't think you can understand the magnitude of where you are unless you see where you've been...
My family wasn't rich. We weren't even middle class, but we did have a home, heat, and food. We didn't wear name brand clothes, and a lot of my clothes were hand-me-downs from a cousin out West. I don't even know where my brothers' clothes came from, really, I just know they had them. My parents loved us--my brothers and me. That's what mattered. I never quite understood what made them tick, though, until I became an adult and started researching our family tree. I don't know what made me do it---maybe having my own child, or maybe even searching my own self for something familiar that I didn't see reflected in the faces of those surrounding me--my family, my blood.
My mother's family was from Georgia, my father's from Tennessee. That's what I knew. My mom and my aunt had done some research--back when everything was still in ledger books and on microfilm. I had it much easier...a little money a month, and I had access to everything under the sun--all at the touch of a button. Census records, marriage records, birth and death...the circles were of life...history began to take on new meaning to me, and with every era, a new face presented itself to me.
I saw that my gumline and teeth were inherited from my maternal grandmother's side, while my blue eyes came from my paternal grandfather. But what I really wanted to know was if you could inherit spirit.
I looked at all the different parts of each of the families that were combined--I saw a short fuse on one branch of the family--irrational anger that struck out at anything in it's path. I saw children forced to compete with each other for the approval of their parents, when nothing they did would ever be good enough. I saw a pride so strong from another side that it prevented any chance of ever being successful for fear of owing another man a dollar. I saw music drip out of fingertips and off the tips of tongues--scenes being painted at the touch of a simple pencil to paper... I saw a love for one's children and family so strong that hearts were broken when that love wasn't taken nearly as seriously by the ones being loved...all of these things were very real, but not necessarily coded into my DNA...at least, I don't think so. I'm not a scientist, don't remotely know what could be in those microscopic cells...but would those things actually become a part of who I am?
I think they are. I get irritated quickly--especially when I feel people are being arrogant. I don't, however, get jealous when my brothers or other relatives do well or receive rewards for being successful people. I panic when I make a mistake in my home accounting--because I am so scared of being without money---but I do have loans and buy things when we need them. I can read music and sing, and my love of art goes far beyond the normal realm of just having pictures to hang on a wall. I have a love for my family that cannot be touched---even as heartbroken as some of them have made me, I understand that not everyone can love like I love, without surrender.
It's all part of who we are...where we came from. You just can't forget those things. You know, someone once told me that there is nothing irrelevant or unimportant in the Bible, whether you believe it or not. I agree with that, and, as a Christian, I do happen to believe it. There are an awful lot of "begats" and "begots" in there--and you know why? Because they are important.
So, here's to your roots--your heritage--who you are...
This is the story of one side of my family...and how they came to be down in tha Holler...and how I got back to that same Holler, two hundred years later.
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